poem

your lack,
the void you left
what am I if not your mother
the world is devoid of tragedy now
I can leave at any time and it will not be tragic
but I stay, to feel the void
all that is left of you - an emptiness in the shape of me

how to survive when you don't want to

This is how you do it: you empty yourself of desire.  Any desire leads to longing, longing leads to regret. 
You become the pain.  You know when it comes.  You know that breathing deep can ease it, but you don't.  You clamp down on it, let it wash through you.  You become it.  You don't avoid it. This is you now, this vessel for pain.  Anything else is a delusion.