sanity

"You've seen what you were and know what you'll be
You've seen it all - there is no more to see."

When I'm at my most sane I think 'a life is a life.'  It doesn't matter how long it is, just how full, how satisfying.  When I'm at my most sane I envy him.  I am not afraid of death.  I'm afraid of a life that has gone on too long.  I wish mine had ended two years ago.  Then it wouldn't have been an altogether unhappy life.  But I can't wish to have left him behind.  So in a way, I'm happy for him for having gone first.  For that I can take on the pain.  That I can do for him.